My Lost Love.

A few days back, the book I had ordered online arrived. I had been patiently waiting for it eagerly. And when I finally got my hands on it, I felt so excited. I couldn't wait to start reading it. It had been almost seven years since I last felt such excitement when I got my hands on a novel.

I sat down with the book in my hands and a wide smile on my face and sniffed through the pages of the book like I always used to seven years back. It took me back to those days when I used to be a bibliophile who loved books, who loved to read, who loved novels, who loved stories. I still love stories, but somewhere inbetween I lost the readerholic in me.

It's vacation time, well, it has almost come to an end. It was a two month long vacation and thankfully just as we had wished we didn't have any extra classes inbetween. So how did I spend my uninterrupted long vacation? Hmm. It isn't that I didn't have anything productive to do. I did have my final year project to start working on. But sadly, it just didn't happen. All that happened in the entire two months was just me procrastinating and keeping things for the next day. It's not that I was lazy everyday, I was quite busy with something or the other on most days. However, nothing I had planned to do actually happened.

As I was unhappily going through my rather boring vacation, one day I suddenly got this urge to read a book. Something that I hadn't felt for a very long time. I tried reading some novels online, but it didn't work. I realized I wanted to read a "book", like literally a "book". I wanted a good novel but not a soft copy but a hard copy. For some reason, I couldn't enjoy reading novels online.

So then I started my search for a good book. I had been away from the literary world for quite sometime that I didn't have any idea about the contemporary writers or books. I'm pursuing my masters in English Literature, and yet I claim to have been away from the literary world and absolutely clueless about contemporary English Literature. How ironic! Yeah, I know. Well, this is the sad truth. Now, I don't want to start talking about it.

Coming back, yes, I read and saw many book reviews just so that I could decide on which book I should buy, since I didn't want to end up buying something that I wouldn't enjoy reading. And finally, I made up my mind to buy 'Educated' a novel by Tara Westover. From the synopsis of what the book has instore I knew that this was exactly the book that I needed right now. So without anymore delay I ordered it online and waited for it to arrive.

I grew up in Muscat since my dad worked there. Upto my 9th grade I did my schooling there, after which we returned to India. As a kid I used to love reading novels. Infact I only enjoyed novels, I was not that interested in short stories or poems. The longer the story, the more happier I was. I don't really remember how I was encouraged to start reading. All that I remember is that, in our school, from 5th grade, we were allowed to borrow books from the library. And I started borrowing novels and began to fall in love with reading. I don't know if I used to like reading before that, but this is what I can remember. The fact is, most of my friends too loved to read and borrowing books from the library was something that we were supposed to do in our school, it was not a choice. Maybe that's what inculcated the reading habit in me. I don't know, but if it wasn't for my school, maybe I wouldn't have become an ardent reader.

As I grew up, borrowing books from the school library also continued. The library was one of my favourite places in school and reading was my favourite hobby. I can still remember how excited I used to be when I borrowed a new book. I used to be so impatient to just get home and start reading. I would be so engrossed in reading that there were times when my mother would tell me to stop reading and put the book down.

It was not just the school library, I used to rush to the books and stationery section whenever we went for shopping. I used to stay there hunting for books while my parents did all the shopping. This reminds me, I used to be a crazy stationery lover as well back then. Now don't get me wrong, just because I loved books and stationery don't assume that I used to be a nerd who loved to study. No I didn't. I never enjoyed studying (I still don't). I was just an above average student at school, never a topper. But there was one subject that I loved and was always a topper in - English. All thanks to my crazy reading.

My father bought me books and encouraged me to read more. But he used to tell me to not just read novels, but to read non-fiction too. Almost everyday he explained to me the benefits of reading the newspaper and urged me to do so. But I never did that. I didn't like reading non-fiction. And I hated reading the newspaper. So my general awareness was zero. But when you think about it, it's not that I got nothing from reading fiction.

See, it's not that I used to love reading in general. I never liked reading non-fiction. I only enjoyed reading stories. I loved to escape into the new worlds that I got into with each new book. I loved to meet new characters and be a part of their journey. I loved to create those worlds in my head. And when a book got over I couldn't wait to start another. Maybe it's all these factors that made me fall in love with reading stories.

As a young girl I wanted to become a novelist. I had many stories in my head. I loved to write. I wanted to write stories and be a storyteller. I was quite good at it too, I guess, 'cos I used to win in every short story writing competition at school. I used to even write novels as a little girl. I enjoyed that process alot. I loved to create my own imaginary world and it's characters. I shared those stories only with my brother and close friends. I remember that I used to wake up my little brother in the middle of the night and read out my stories to him. Such a crazy sister I used to be, when I think of it now. My brother enjoyed listening to my stories. The only part he didn't like was me not allowing him to sleep. But, I never completed any of those novels that I started writing. I would leave one novel uncompleted and start writing a new one when I got another interesting idea. So as far as I can remember I have never completed any of my novels.

I wish I could take a look at those writings of mine now. Just curious to know what and how the little me wrote. I do remember bits of some stories I wrote back them. I should have kept those books safe with me. But no, I've lost them. I left them back in Muscat when we moved to India. I wanted to take them along, but I didn't 'cos of various reasons, which is another long story and I don't think I should go into it now.

Like I mentioned earlier, we moved to India after I completed my 9th grade. Settling down in a new place perhaps made me busy because I never grabbed a book to read once I reached India. And India always gave me that vacation vibe. There were so many things to do that I got no spare time to even think of books. Once the vacation vibe got over and I started going to my new school, I did think about getting some books to read and hoped to get them from the school library. But it didn't happen. We never really had a library hour in school 'cos we were students of 10th grade and we were to write our board exams soon. So our teachers usually took extra classes during the library hours. So we never really got to go to the library. And none of my friends seemed to want to go to the library either. Or maybe they did and I just didn't know, 'cos neither did they know that I was a readerholic.

Now I don't mean to say that I lost my reading habit because of my new school and friends. It's obviously not their fault. If I wanted to so desperately read, I should have gone to the school library during the breaks and borrowed books. That was absolutely possible. I know. But the little shy me didn't realize that then. I just went with the flow and didn't really take any effort to get books. Though I initially missed reading, I eventually got used to it. But I guess I still craved for good stories, because it was during this time that I began to fall in love with films.

It's not that I didn't love watching films when I was in Muscat. I have always enjoyed watching films and was always super excited to go to the film theatre. But I started genuinely observing and liking cinema once I came to India. Initially it was my craving for stories that made me addicted to watching films but later I started getting addicted to the magic in films. I just love how stories come alive on screen. About my cinephile life and my love for cinema can make for another long blogpost so I don't think I should elaborate on it now.

However, like I had mentioned, it was after seven long years that I felt excited when I got a book to read. And that very feeling took me back to those days when I used to be a book-sniffing readerholic. I have started reading 'Educated' and I'm loving it. It's a very interesting and inspiring (and I need a whole lot of that right now) book. The book has innumerous good reviews and I can already see why. Well, looks like the bibliophile in me has woke up from it's long deep sleep. And I really hope it doesn't fall off to sleep again, or maybe I shouldn't allow it to. I have found my lost love and there is no way I'm going to let go of it again.

I guess we never really lose anything in us that was a part of us when we were little, we just need to take the effort to keep it alive. The little me could complete reading a big fat book in one day and could also instantly write effortlessly. But the grown up me don't seem to be able to do either of the two without a struggle. I miss that part of me. But, maybe I can fix it.